An Ode to the Onion: Local Woman "Seriously Annoyed"

Local woman Rachel Stewart was reportedly "seriously annoyed" Friday with a number of issues, although the topic that "seriously annoyed" her the most seemed to be her lack of success with online dating. " I mean my God why haven't I met someone like all those people in the eHarmony and Match.com commercials? I'm just as desperate as them!" When pressed further, Stewart commented, "Those people seem totally happy and it was my understanding that the commercial would pretty much be my real life once I signed up for the service." Stewart was unresponsive to a number of articles on the power of advertising, although she did seem somewhat happy when she realized she had a potential lawsuit on her hands. She gleamed and commented, "So you mean I could sue for false advertising? Great! Now I just need a pushy single female lawyer to really make my case." This reporter had trouble getting any further comment from Stewart after she retained counsel, and at press time Stewart's representation refused to provide a statement.