Blatantly Uncool Hipster Discovers Unique Dish Patterns at Pier One

Orange County local Rachel Stewart recently discovered that you can buy “home shit”, aka wine glasses, dinner plates, shot glasses, etc. with flowers painted on the exterior at Pier One Imports. This life changing realization has created a kind of time/space continuum (ala Steven Hawking pretty much) between when Ms. Stewart knew about these home options and when she didn’t. “Look, I get it that Urban Outfitters has a Narwhal tea diffuser and everything, but they clearly don’t have the kind of almost thirty type home goods options that I’m looking for” says Stewart, definitely not drunk on Two Buck Chuck purchased the same day. These disturbing realizations have caused Stewart to question almost everything about her life, including her lack of significant other as well as her low class, low income dwelling. “ Oh f***, are people my age buying houses and having babies? When the f*** did this happen?” Stewart was decidedly more invested in the Two Buck Chuck towards the end of our interview, and was unavailable for further comment.